Keeping it real is not a problem if you know just how to keep it real…

 

People who carry grudges for years and immerse themselves in personal vendettas (yes, there are a lot of those knuckleheads in this city) don’t know the first thing about how to keep it real. So this is not for anyone who falls into that category – I would like to keep you ensconced in your little blanket of delusion, so try not to read on.

 

For the rest of you – the normal folk – here comes the “keeping it real” portion of our regularly scheduled programming. Keep in mind that this is merely a little guide of how to keep yourself from going over to the dark side.

 

Helpful hint #1 – when trying to be all things to all people, try not to pander to one group without thinking things through. It make you look less smart than you actually are.

 

Helpful hint #2 – when trying to keep your head above water, don’t constantly bang on about things you decided to make up one day – that have absolutely no bearing in the real world. You do you, sunshine.

 

Helpful hint #3 – when getting serious traction in your race for (insert any public office here, but for the purposes of this, let’s say President), try not to keep your stupid mouth running when it doesn’t need to – or – try not to lie so much you start to literally turn brown. Bonus – next time when someone suggests picking Condi as your running mate and shutting your damn mouth, take the advice.

 

Helpful hint #4 – learn to know when you have morphed from semi-influential to laughing stock – reassess your life goals (what’s left of it) and make the appropriate adjustments. It’s too late, forget it.

 

Helpful hint #5 – when faced with an untenable situation through no action of your own – say bye-bye to the nitwits you’re related to and friends who really weren’t your friends to begin with – and go make some money, enjoy your life and everything you’ve been blessed with. Worked for me, worked for Vinny, worked for a whole line of people who one day woke up and did something better.

 

So while some of you will be scratching your heads wondering what the Hell I am on about, others will see this and read it (even though they were warned not to) and know it pertains to them (but trust me, not just THEM – they are NOT alone) and be angry instead of just laughing and taking it in stride. Everyone needs a little poke here and there to give some perspective, I enjoy it every time someone does it to me. Hopefully people won’t be so butthurt and chuckle and move on. Stop banging the gong about stupid shit just trying to provoke a reaction. Stop hanging stupid banners from City Hall. Stop making veiled threats and statements intended to smear people. Just stop all of it – focus on yourselves – trust me, there’s plenty of happiness out there for everyone to do their own thing without needing to hurt anyone.

 

Then again, keep on doing you, bro – it seems to be working for you, still. Imma do me, so peace out, homes. #GMK